01. Be normal, and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader. 02. Every great man was thought to be insane before he changed the world. Some never changed the world. They were just insane. 03. I don't fail. I succeed at finding what doesn't work. 04. It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's funnier. 05. When in doubt, do it. 06. A crappy life is a great excuse to live a crappy life. 07. Always apologize first--it annoys the crap out of people. 08. "Losing builds character." You know who said that? A loser. 09. Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and the world laughs harder. 10. There's a one-in six-billion chance that you'll find your soulmate. And that's if they're not dead. 11. Learn from your parents' mistakes. Use birth control. 12. The government favors the most diplomatic language. That's why any
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